After watching so many Mayoral candidate forums and listening for hours to all the candidates, does anyone think the following is mudslinging or at least a little bit funny?
Tim Keller stared as Harvey Dent and “Two Face” in a Batman movie and flipping a silver dollar as an “in kind” cash donation while his longtime political consultant watched him with adoring eyes saying “my precious” over and over again.
Brian Colon still collects and stores powdered milk and government blocks of cheese in his home. He is eyeing the City warehouses as an alternative storage site for all the excess government cheese he has at home and buried in a cellar in his backyard. Rumor is he has a good buddy willing to set up a call center to sell that cheese so they can make a profit.
Gus Pedrotty does indeed still have his wisdom teeth with the other candidates poised to pull them out or strangle him to shut him up. As an alternative, they want to slip him some medical marijuana just to settle him down and slow down his public speaking at all the forums so everyone can understand what he is saying for a change.
As an ex-cop running for Mayor, Michell Garcia Holmes promises to carry a holster with a 57-magnum gun when she becomes Mayor and she is not afraid to use it on all child molesters by shooting them in the groin. Her favorite movie quote is from Dirty Harry, “Well do you feel lucky, punk, well do ya?”
Dan Lewis wants to be the next District Attorney or Bernalillo County Sheriff so he can make Albuquerque “the worse place to be a criminal” just like he watched during the last eight (8) years as a City Councilor as Mayor Berry has done. Dan also promises to open a city sponsored used car lot so that all the crooks can bring all our stolen cars and sell them and give city hall a cut of the action. According to Lewis, no cars stolen from Sidewinders clientele will be allowed to be sold at the city used car lot as per the instructions of Legacy Church Pastor Steve Smotherman.
Wayne Johnson wants to be a Federal Judge so he can deport people who are here illegally, especially Muslims and all those damn rapists and murderers from Mexico. Rumor is Wayne is buying stock in a national fence company that sells chain link fence at a discount and he is waiting for a return call from Donald Trump.
Susan Wheeler Diechel wants to give out free bikes and free walking shoes to everyone in the city and schedule bake sales to raise money to fund our police department. It is rumored Susan is really Martha Stewart in disguise here to serve her federal probation period and that she gave her identity away at a forum when she said “I just love broken ABQ but I have a hot glue gun and I am not afraid to use it and that’s a good thing!”
Ricardo Chavez wants to make civic plaza and our city parks and city golf courses into parking lots and charge $3.00 a day for overnight parking to solve our city budget problems. His city slogan will be “Mi parking lot es su parking lot.”
Please feel free to comment or add your own observations or mud, but make sure you make at least an attempt at humor.